It’s 12:09 am….
And I’m sitting here, pressing skip for the songs I don’t feel like hearing at all on my laptop. Sitting next to a used plastic paint pallet and a box of paint and a cloudy jar of water. Why?
I feel like shit. I feel like the heartburn that I was probably experiencing earlier has become far more literal than originally. Downstairs is Alex, chatting away with Cheyenne. Chey who ask apparently how the relationship is going. And he’s not exactly painting us in the prettiest light. In fact he says, “I can’t stand her but it’s like…I’d still take a bullet for her.” Yea you FAKATA ASS…CREEP! Because….
God I don’t think he even loves me anymore. And I won’t front. My love isn’t what it was in those tender early moments of our relationship. And he’s made me mad to the point that I turned purple. And I rant and rave about how I wish he would just only do this, that, and the other to Rook. But like…Fuck. He BARELY knows her like that. And…
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FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUFKCUFKCUFKCUIKCUFKCUFKCUFKCUFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
.SHIT. GOODAMN! SHITGODDAMN..
They have been talking for like..2 hours about nothing and a lot of things. Most days, I can’t get a paragraph’s worth of words out of him without one of us getting frustrated and escaping from the other. I try. I TRY! I fucking give it my BEST fucking shot…
And he just doesn’t give two fucks of a motherfucking fuck goddamn.
For a WEEK. 7 days….I had him like he used to be. Fun and loving and sweet and attentive. And then shit just collapses down hill. We descend into a hell with nitro boosters and well oiled wheels. And now…Now I can’t get two unprompted sentences out of him that don’t make me want to hurl, hit him, or run away.
What the fuck is wrong with us? What the FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK?!?!
I finally got my Kindle Fire and naturally I had to get a case for it. Whats a girl without her accessories, ya know? Well everything in Best Buy was of course, ugly. But! I didnt want to leave with, so i got one anyway. and with some simple felt and a hot glue gun, did this! l
future culinary project…..my teeth ache just looking at this….UGH…….the decadance — oh look the sun’s come out to play leaving me with the grade option of going to the grocery store…if that ain’t dangerous I dont know what is….Dangerous for my waistline that is..
